Windswept in Wisconsin

In an attempt to not only distract myself from the impending spinal injection that awaited me this week but help settle back into the Wisconsin life that I loved, I took a trip to beautiful Door County this past weekend.

When I was in New England I fell in love with not only the people, but the landscape. The sheer beauty that was cast before me each day was astounding. At first, I bragged to my friends of the beauty of Wisconsin; something many scoffed at. Wisconsin?! Isn't it all just farms? I've traveled to every corner of Wisconsin it seems and have seen the variable beauty of this state. So, this weekend was my chance to re-experience some of that beauty. To rekindle my love of this great state, as if it has become some disenchanted romance I once had.

Door County is a big hit with first time Wisconsin travelers. It has a little of everything, no matter the season. Wineries, orchards, shops, parks, and restaurants all set to the backdrop of stunning Lake Michigan. Only a little over an hour away from my parents house, I'm almost ashamed to admit I have only been once before. My mom and I did a little of everything on our one day excursion. Grabbed a bag of honeycrisp apples, took a trolley tour of historic Fish Creek, drove up the shoreline cliffs to look out over the sparkling water, and sampled some local fare at a Sturgeon Bay restaurant.

The weather was beautiful. A bit blustery, but all the better to be swept off my feet. The people were friendly. The weekend was peaceful. Rounded out with a great Packer game on Sunday, there wasn't much more I could ask for. Somehow, that nagging feeling lingered. Right there. Right in the back of my mind. Is this where I am destined to be? I realized, no decisions are required right now. Instead, it is amazing to think of the opportunities available to me. How blessed I am to have the chance at a different life, if I want it. How amazing it is to have friends spread across the country, to know that I am loved in more than one time zone. To know that I always have a home to come back to if the endeavors I choose don't work out.

Today was the first of possibly a few injections to help heal my back injury. The first step in hopefully the right direction!

Saying goodbye and hello

Be advised: this is an emotional one, so brace yourself.

 

 

It was a week yesterday since I left New Hampshire.

It was a week yesterday that I returned home.

My return home in July from my previous five month assignment in New Hampshire was very different from this one. Back then, I was sad to leave my friends but glad to be home. It was the first time I had been away from home for any extended period of time, alone no less. So, I was happy to be back in my house, back with my old friends, back with my family. But, I think I knew I would be returning to New England in the near future.

And I did.

Seven months total I spent living in New England. Soaking up the sun on the coast, hiking in the mountains, and photographing some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen. More importantly, I spent seven months building a life. A new life. Forming new routines, new friendships, a new normal.

So, it goes without saying that my most recent departure took an emotional toll. Saying goodbye can be a mixed bag. Sometimes saying goodbye helps a person release a life or emotional ties that aren't beneficial to them as a person. Like saying a final goodbye to your ex by deleting their number from your phone. A trivial example, but it illustrates my point. I've found that the majority of goodbyes are difficult. The goodbyes I said to my close friends in New Hampshire were heart wrenching. I felt it, deep down. The void left by their absence in my life permeates everyday, it seems. I haven't been able to pin point exactly why I feel this way. Is it the finality of a goodbye that triggers our emotions? I would hope this isn't a last goodbye, but as we all know, tomorrow is never promised.   

Last week I said goodbye and hello in the same day. Said goodbye to the life I had built in New Hampshire and hello to the life I need to start rebuilding here at home. A life I have left neglected for seven months. My home doesn't feel like home anymore. New Hampshire feels like home. What does this mean? Am I staying or am I going to move?

The short answer: I don't know, yet. I've discussed this with a few friends who are travelers and many experienced similar feelings when transitioning back home after a long assignment. A wise friend, one who was the primary encouragement for me to travel, told me to continue on my journey of traveling. Take new assignments, go to new places. She said if after all my travels, if my heart wants to be somewhere other than home, that is where I need to be.

For now, I am grounded from traveling until my physician team can get my back feeling better and get me back on the road. The plan is to begin traveling again after the first of the year. Where, remains to be seen. Until then, I plan to catch up with friends and family, rest, and maybe post an occasional blog entry! To everyone who visited this blog over the past nine months (yes, that's how long it has been since I began this traveling adventure), thank you so much for the support and encouragement!

Cake, anyone?

Original picture I saw of the rainbow cake.

If you are not acquainted with the website Pinterest, consider yourself lucky.

Pinterest is a giant, virtual pin board of sorts where you can keep links to your favorite websites, recipes, photos, hairstyles, and just about anything else all in one place. You can also see the pins of others. Anyway, a few months ago I saw a picture of a rainbow cake. Six layers tall, each being a different color of the rainbow. Covered with plain white frosting, it was a sight to see once sliced. I instantly wanted a reason to attempt this cake.

My friend Val's upcoming birthday was perfect.

The fact that she let me stay in her house with her and her husband was reason enough, let alone the fact that I love her to death and she is one of the most kind, generous, and amazingly funny people I have ever met.

The plan was put in place the first week I arrived back in New Hampshire. Another friend, Jenn, has a side business of cake making. Now, as most of my friends know, my skills in the kitchen reside mainly in baking. However, my frosting making skills suck. So, I enlisted the help of Jenn.

One Sunday afternoon, two women, six layers of colored cake, lots (and lots) of white butter cream frosting, and many laughs later, one stupendous cake was created. It barely fit in Jenn's fridge for the night!

 

The next day, I lured Val down from her department to surprise her at work. The cake was a sight to behold. Mission accomplished!

Amazingly, all of the cake was consumed or distributed to people to take home.

The beginning of the end

This is my last week in New Hampshire.
My last week at the hospital.
My last week with my friends.
My last week with my patients.

This is the beginning of the end.

Over the past few weeks, my friends and I have joked about my unavoidable departure. I've been threatened with duct tape and ropes to keep me from leaving. Not sure if they are serious, but I will soon find out.

Invariably, people are curious what feelings crop up for me when I get closer to leaving.

Are you excited to go home?
Are you sad to leave?

Definitely a hard feeling to articulate. It is an odd limbo I seem to live in these days. Torn between two worlds that I have created for myself. At times, I am so home sick I can barely stand it. Missing my midwestern roots, my friends, my family, my memory foam mattress in my beautiful 1930's cape cod house. With all of that awaiting my return, how could I be torn?

Legit question.

The past eight weeks have reaffirmed what I already believed. New England is a beautiful place. The best of many worlds. Access to beautiful beaches, striking mountains, and expansive lakes. Amazing restaurants seem to be everywhere, usually the freshest fish I've ever had. A dream location for any beach bum, avid outdoorsman/woman, and foodie alike. The people are pretty amazing as well. I've developed ties here that I don't see letting go easily. I've laughed, cried, and loved. Cliche it sounds, I know, but true.

I'm very much at peace with my decision to come back for the past few weeks. I don't regret coming back, even though leaving this time will be harder than before. I've deepened my relationships with friends, seen more of this beautiful country, and done more what I think I do best: care for patients. I feel like this was where I was meant to be. Is this where I'm meant to be for good? I don't think I have an answer to that question right now. What I do know is that it has been a pretty great place to call home for seven months of my life this year.

Seven months, well spent.

Hiatus

I apologize for the long hiatus between posts. The past 10 days have been...difficult, to say the least.

Over a year ago I injured my back placing an IV on a patient in critical condition. Physical therapy, chiropractors, and spinal injections have filled my off time in the past year in an attempt to relieve the persistent pain. I have good days, I have bad days. Most of the time the pain is manageable and when I decided to venture away from home to travel, I left behind my physician managing my back injury as well. During my last assignment, it was much more manageable. Chiropractor appointments and ibuprofen was enough to keep it in check. So, I expected nothing else when I agreed to another eight weeks away from home. A few weekends ago, that all changed. Spasms started in my low back down into my leg. The pain was something I had never experienced.

I write this to you all not to encourage sympathy or to incite worry in my friends back home. I write this to share with you all how truly blessed I am. I am currently living with a married couple I became friends with during my last assignment here in New Hampshire. They welcomed me into their home with open arms, making me feel like I was part of their family. When the spasming had gotten uncontrollable, they took me to the emergency room, managed my pain medications when I couldn't remember what to take, helped me up and down the stairs to my bedroom, made me food, and attended to any need I had. They didn't ask for this when I came to live with them. This isn't something friends of only a few months should have to deal with. But, they have done it all, without blinking an eye.

Many of you know me well, and understand that I love my independent life. I don't like depending on people. I like being the one to take care of others, not the other way around. I don't think of it as a pride issue, more of a personality trait, if anything. So allowing others to take care of me when I have no other choice is hard enough, but the guilt of depending on people who have already done so much for me can be overwhelming. After discussing this many times with my friend Annie (see my previous post to read about how amazing she is), I let go of some of my guilt, and lamented that everyone has their time of need and has to accept help.

Today, I sit here and wonder, how did I become so blessed to know such amazing people? People who make me want to be more generous, kinder, and more selfless. People who challenge me to be a better person.

I have agreed to take the last few months of the year off of traveling to give my physician in Wisconsin a chance to fix the issues with my back. The plan is to start traveling again after the first of the year, if life cooperates. But, I am at peace with knowing that my limited experience in traveling this year has provided me with gifts I will cherish for a lifetime. And for that, I will be forever grateful.

Blissful Chaos

As many of you know, I have been doing part-time photography over the past year or so. Mainly portrait photography of children at the behest of some of my close friends, simply wanting pictures of their kids. The first session I did, I was terrified. A brave co-worker of mine requested a few pictures of her twin girls in the park. I wasn't sure what her expectations were or how the pictures would turn out. I had primarily done landscape photography simply as a hobby, but never thought of doing "people pictures." People are so much more challenging to capture than an expansive landscape. They move. They have natural shadows on their faces. They have expectations of the finished product.

Since that first session, my hobby has expanded and I have developed a portfolio of sorts. With every session, I learn something new. I also get to know my friends and their families better. This weekend I had the absolute privilege to see my friend Annie and her beautiful family through the lens. I became acquainted Annie and her husband Josh on my last assignment here in New Hampshire. I wrote about them previously in my blog. Annie and Josh have four children. Three of their children, Caroline, Jackson, and Ryan, reside with them at home. Their fourth, and youngest child, Ethan, is no longer with us on this earth. Ethan passed away only a few days after he was born. A tragedy, no doubt. One that many cannot understand. But, I have witnessed the strength and grace of this family while wading through the ocean of grief and sadness that comes with such a passing.

But, I write this entry not to dwell on the death of Ethan, but to celebrate his life and the lives of his beautiful family. Annie asked me many months ago, if I would do family pictures for her. Of course, I was honored and agreed. I had spent time with Annie, Josh, and the kids at their home, eating dinner and watching the kids run around the house. Blissful chaos, as Annie calls it.

The day finally came this last weekend for pictures. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, breezy, perfect for pictures by the ocean. I loved watching the two older kids run around, excited to see a shell on the beach or a butterfly in the sky. Butterflies hold a particular importance, representing the spirit of sweet baby Ethan. Jackson would occasionally shout out, "Hi Ethan!" as a butterfly would flutter by. The youngest, still learning to keep his feet under him, would look up at me with his stunning blue eyes, tilt his head to the side, and grin. The kids were running in opposite directions, tears were shed from scraped knees after a fall, and the late afternoon crankiness of a child without a nap hung in the air. While Josh and Annie's children are beautiful, I was most captivated by the parents themselves. It was clear to me, even through my camera lens, that this family is so full of love. Now that is something pretty spectacular to behold.

 

Blissful chaos, captured.

 

Follow Annie's blog here: http://ethanslove.blogspot.com/

Halftime

I have already hit the halfway point of this short assignment. I haven't really been keeping track of the days left on this assignment, I'm simply enjoying as much as I can in the short amount of time I have.

The discussion of my next assignment has already commenced, it seems like it never really ended. I started to apply for licensing in a few other states as well, hoping to deepen the pool of opportunity available to me. Licensing is a funny thing. I get the question about licensing often. Each state has its own requirements. Even though all nursing in the U.S. take the NCLEX (the standardized test to become a nurse), being a nurse in Wisconsin doesn't automatically make me a nurse in California. Wisconsin is what is referred to as a "compact state." There are 24 states that are part of a nursing compact which allows a nurse with an original compact license to "walk through" into another compact state and practice nursing without getting a different license. Applying for licensing in non-compact states is taxing, expensive, just plain stupid, if I do say so myself. A nurse is a nurse, right? Apparently not. The two states I applied for licensing in required FBI fingerprint cards, background checks, transcripts from the university I graduated from, along with answers to a million personal questions including my bra size.

Alright, that last one was a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point.

After sending in the two applications, fees, and fingerprint cards, it set me back two days worth of coordination/paperwork-filling-out and about $300. Crazy, right? But, like my recruiters told me, getting a license in a state doesn't guarantee a job, but not getting a license guarantees you will not get a job. So, in the end, it is a calculated risk with the hope of professional and personal gain.

Although I am missing home at times (especially when I watch the Packer games, like I am right now!), I am much more at peace this time around. I feel at ease, like this is the life I was always meant to be living. Not sure if New Hampshire simply suits me, if my new-found friends have made me feel so at home I'm not homesick, or if I have finally let go of some of the control and decided to let life take its course.

I leave you now with a few more "test drive" pictures from my new camera. The next challenge for Mark will be a family session with one of my new favorite families; more on that later!