Saying goodbye and hello

Be advised: this is an emotional one, so brace yourself.

 

 

It was a week yesterday since I left New Hampshire.

It was a week yesterday that I returned home.

My return home in July from my previous five month assignment in New Hampshire was very different from this one. Back then, I was sad to leave my friends but glad to be home. It was the first time I had been away from home for any extended period of time, alone no less. So, I was happy to be back in my house, back with my old friends, back with my family. But, I think I knew I would be returning to New England in the near future.

And I did.

Seven months total I spent living in New England. Soaking up the sun on the coast, hiking in the mountains, and photographing some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen. More importantly, I spent seven months building a life. A new life. Forming new routines, new friendships, a new normal.

So, it goes without saying that my most recent departure took an emotional toll. Saying goodbye can be a mixed bag. Sometimes saying goodbye helps a person release a life or emotional ties that aren't beneficial to them as a person. Like saying a final goodbye to your ex by deleting their number from your phone. A trivial example, but it illustrates my point. I've found that the majority of goodbyes are difficult. The goodbyes I said to my close friends in New Hampshire were heart wrenching. I felt it, deep down. The void left by their absence in my life permeates everyday, it seems. I haven't been able to pin point exactly why I feel this way. Is it the finality of a goodbye that triggers our emotions? I would hope this isn't a last goodbye, but as we all know, tomorrow is never promised.   

Last week I said goodbye and hello in the same day. Said goodbye to the life I had built in New Hampshire and hello to the life I need to start rebuilding here at home. A life I have left neglected for seven months. My home doesn't feel like home anymore. New Hampshire feels like home. What does this mean? Am I staying or am I going to move?

The short answer: I don't know, yet. I've discussed this with a few friends who are travelers and many experienced similar feelings when transitioning back home after a long assignment. A wise friend, one who was the primary encouragement for me to travel, told me to continue on my journey of traveling. Take new assignments, go to new places. She said if after all my travels, if my heart wants to be somewhere other than home, that is where I need to be.

For now, I am grounded from traveling until my physician team can get my back feeling better and get me back on the road. The plan is to begin traveling again after the first of the year. Where, remains to be seen. Until then, I plan to catch up with friends and family, rest, and maybe post an occasional blog entry! To everyone who visited this blog over the past nine months (yes, that's how long it has been since I began this traveling adventure), thank you so much for the support and encouragement!